1. Officer, I swear the body was dead when I found it
2. College: The best 7 years of my life!
3. The horn blows, but does the driver?
4. My German Shepherd Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student!
5. JESUS LOVES YOU...everybody else thinks you're an asshole.
6. I break for faeries, elves, gnomes, leprechauns, and other invisible creatures that only I can see.
7. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
8. This car is insured by the maffia you hit me they hit you
9. If you've been bad, go to your room. If you WANT to be bad, go to mine!
10. Sorry I missed church, I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
11. Do I look like a Hemroid? Then get off my ass
12. We're born naked, wet, & hungry. Then things get worse.
13. Don't even ask what's wrong with me, the doctors haven't figured it out yet.
14. Of all the things I've lost in my life, I miss my mind the most
15. Honk if you are stupid enough to actually read the backs of people's cars and then do what it tells you to do.
16. Kids are like brownies...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
17. Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Groups
18. Hit me, I need money
19. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
20. Our drinking team has a football problem
21. The more people I know, the more I love my dog.
22. So you like tailgating, and I like stopping suddenly.
23. Tell your girlfriend I said Thanks!
24. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you
25. I wish my wife was as dirty as my car

Welp yeah stupid.. and why did I put them in here? IDK.. I was bored!